yobech505

She keeps apologizing for hurting me.  Yeah, I hurt.  The heartaches fracture my sleep, the dreams keep me attached to someone who needs to be in the past.

But apologies?  For that, no.  I’m a big boy.  I did not go into this whole thing with my eyelids glued together.

I would accept apologies, though.  For the broken promises and the plans for the future that will never transpire, tossed into the trash like the burnt eggs in the pot.  You know; the things I anticipated with so much joy.

The camping trip together to Shenandoah will never happen.  I will go, that is certain, but not with her, which is the way I originally planned my next adventure to the Blue Ridge.

Playing  music is out now too.  It was FUN! What a pain.  Now I have to find another  strong voice who can harmonize.  And listen and learn.  We did one hell of a job with Poliahu.  And The Rose was good too, and would only get better.  I was even learning the words to Wicked music.  Bummer.

At one time, she wanted to go west with me.  Well, guess what, it ain’t happnin’  (I am going without you!)

Apologize for not letting me stay Thursday night like we agreed.

The salad went bad before I could finish it.  I made it for two! Apologize for that.

Apologize for telling me “I love you” when she no longer did.

And I, too will apologize.

I’m sorry I couldn’t make her love me.  I’m sorry I was such a threat to her sanity.  I apologize for being in love with her and her not being able to handle it or even want it.  I am sorry for the added stress I put on her life.

Should I apologize for being born in 1949 instead of 1969?

I’m sorry I came into her life and just messed it up, worse than it already was.  I guess I just have that effect. Maybe next time I won’t be as loving, caring, a listener, supportive.  Maybe next time I just won’t give a damn.  No. That isn’t me.

No.  No apologies necessary.  From her, or from me.  Life’s lessons, learned, and so often, the hard way.  Not a need for I’m sorry.

Her life will go on.  So will mine.  My ego cries out that she may not realize how much emptier it will be without me, but that is not my problem any more.  She made the choice.   Mine is empty now, but that, too, will be filled one day.

Maybe, with love, you should never have to say you’re sorry.  I don’t know.  It’s probably up to the individual, I suppose.    Still…